It's Been Awhile
by Failure Turtle
Summary: Jeff's take on the recent...issues. Jeff centric one shot. Mentions JeffxOC


**A/N: So despite the recent…**_**happenings**_**…they actually have made this story easier to write…I think. And this was requested, by the way.**

**I own nothing.**

Don't hate me for what I did. Please, don't hate me.

She already does. I don't need everyone else hating me, as well.

But then I forget…You already do hate me.

People make mistakes, okay? It's been awhile since I made my last major one. I paid my dues. I earned back my respect.

I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

_It's been awhile  
__Since I could  
__Hold my head up high  
__And it's been awhile  
__Since I first saw you  
__And it's been awhile  
__Since I could stand  
__On my own two feet again  
__And it's been awhile  
__Since I could call you_

Put yourself in my shoes. Wait, you can't. You will never understand the pressure that I'm under. Yeah, the fans love me, and I can't be happier about that. I'd be even lower than where I am right now if they weren't behind me all the time. I have the greatest fans in the world.

They really thought I was going to take the title…

And so did I.

Did you think that the thirty foot Swanton Bomb was painless?

Did you think I just magically floated down to earth when I did the Whisper in the Wind off of the steel cage?

If you did, then you're more delusional than I thought.

I did this to myself.

_And everything I can remember  
__As fucked up as it all may seem  
__The consequences that are rendered  
__I stretched myself beyond my means_

And now I'm back to where I started.

It felt so good to be clean for that while.

Have you ever given up something that you loved?

I bet you went right back to it.

Human nature, right?

But I didn't give _her_ up.

She gave me up.

And she hasn't come back to me yet.

_And it's been awhile  
__Since I could say  
__That I wasn't addicted  
__It's been awhile  
__Since I could say  
__I loved myself as well  
__And it's been awhile  
__Since I've gone and  
__Fucked things up  
__Just like I always do  
__And it's been awhile  
__But all that shit  
__Seems to disappear  
__When I'm with you_

Yep, that's me.

Jeff Hardy, the amazing fuck up.

She tried to get me out of it. Damnit, she really did.

I didn't listen.

Now she's gone, and I'm about two seconds from going under again.

Painkillers are for physical pain, right?

Oops.

_And everything I can remember  
__As fucked up as it all may seem  
__The consequences that I've rendered  
__Have gone and fucked things up again_

I want this to go away, but I don't think it will.

This mistake will haunt me…forever.

And I know that I have my doubters. I know that I have my believers.

But I also know that I don't have her.

_Why must I feel this way  
__Just make this go away  
__Just one more peaceful day_

The only thing that makes all of this goes away is more of what made me feel like this in the first place.

She won't forgive me.

I told her that I was sorry.

But that was forever ago.

Like…two months, maybe?

She knew I was going to get caught. I wouldn't listen.

And now I'm the one that has to live with my mistakes.

_It's been awhile  
__Since I could  
__Look at myself straight  
__And it's been awhile  
__Since I said "I'm sorry"  
__And it's been awhile  
__Since I've seen the way  
__The candles light your face  
__And it's been awhile  
__But I can still remember  
__Just the way you taste_

I'm not going to be one of those angry kids who blames their problems on their parents. That's not cool.

I'll take the fall for this one.

The believers think I'll come back with a vengeance.

The doubters say that I'll mess it up six months after my suspension is up.

With the way I feel right now…

I'm going with the doubters.

_And everything I can remember  
__As fucked up  
__As it all may seem to be  
__I know it's me  
__I cannot blame this on my father  
__He did the best he could for me_

Please, believe in me.

Because Lord knows that I don't believe in myself anymore.

_It's been awhile  
__Since I could  
__Hold my head up high  
__And it's been awhile  
__Since I said "I'm sorry"_


End file.
